A Dream

I used to dream

about places and things

I wanted to love,

but it was never enough.

When I dream now,

it's less colorful and mainly about

how to live my life,

without falling on the knife,

of my own creation.

Dwindling flame,

Tireless shame,

will I always feel this way?

Unsent mail,

between legs tail,

is it my fate to always fail?

I want to live in a cottage,

on the outskirts of town,

a place where it's cold out,

for the majority of the year.

I want to leave this place for good,

I wanna go somewhere within the wood,

I wanna hide away from society,

only with a pen and notoriety,

that's all I need.

I want be different,

I wanna solve problems,

I wanna feel like I belong in my body.

I want a sign over my head,

in flashing lights,

telling me I'm doing everything right.

It's who I am in the quiet,

it's who I am when I try it.

It's who I am inside,

but how I do I let that out.

How can I do all the things

my mind is calling me to do,

without knowing if I was meant to do them,

cause really if I was meant to do them,

I would've figured it out already.

I could probably solve world peace,

if I had a goddamn minute to think.

I could probably lie and cheat,

if I get pushed another inch more.

I'm on the edge of my sword,

will I fall or stand and wield it?

I used to dream,

about magical things,

and now my mind,

goes to places that I don't care to rewind.

So how can I be myself,

if myself cannot be trusted?