And I Was You

People say accept who you are,

like I'm not standing in the ashes of my past self.

I don't want people to remember,

all the things that I used to do.

I still hate myself for what I did to you.

I try to pretend like I've moved on,

but I still don't know how the hell I lied to you for so long.

What was broken inside me,

that made me need to know that you cared.

I was always standing there,

begging you to care.

I walked on a long tightrope,

scared to say anything,

like you'd expose everything.

I kept my head down,

made no waves,

made no sound.

Until I realized I was the one punishing myself,

you had no intention to ever make my life hell.

It's hard to accept that I did wrong,

and even though I just wanted to feel wanted,

it doesn't mean it was alright.

Pro tip: never tell your friends your dying,

just to figure out if they love you.

Just leave them,

even if you have no one else.

Having no one is better than always wanting to be loved,

by people you built up.

And I can't blame you for not being who,

you were in my head.

But I can blame you,

for the 17 long hours of dread.

I'll never be the same person again,

the same person who didn't know I was bad.

So even though I know that I did wrong,

and even though I know that I shouldn't have done what I did,

I'll always want to think of 17 reasons,

why I hated being your friend.

And while you are at your worst,

all your lies have burst,

and you don't know how to live,

I'll get you on the phone,

and I'll read you a list,

and you'll remember that list

every time you see me,

every time you look in the mirror,

just like I do,

When you were me

and I was you.