Deserving Of Love

Everyone walks around pretending to be someone they are not,

we walk the vacant halls of our mind,

seeing ourselves in a worse light then anyone will ever see us in.

I am glad she is not inside my mind,

I am glad that she cannot see me, how I see me.

But I really wish that she could see herself how I see her.

She always complains when her topknot is a little too round,

or when her wispies are not covering up her forehead.

What she cannot see is that I look at her topknot and I feel peace,

a little butterfly racing around my heart,

but ultimately, peace.

What she cannot see is that when I see her, I freeze for a second,

it doesn't matter if her hair is completely covering her face,

or if it's up with no one hair out of place.

The way she looks at me,

its intoxicating.

It's like I need it,

I think about it all day,

rewatch old videos of us and try to relive them.

Call her, not with anything to say,

but just to stare.

When she says she loves me,

I feel warm inside.

Like all the butterflies were having an orgy or something and came at the same time.

When she looks at me,

and almost whispers,

"I love you, I love you, I love you"

I melt, right then and there, it's enough for me.

I could live off that feeling forever.

When she calls me love,

it sounds so gentle,

and I know for a fact that she would never hurt me.

I used to think I didn't deserve love,

I used to sit in a never-ending puddle of self-loathing,

thinking about how hard I must be to love.

Reason number 13,

it's hard to love you,

when you are constantly giving us reasons not to.

That's what the two people who meant the most said to me,

I fucked up and I know that and I will never do it again,

but hard to love,

I mean that's just cold,

more than cold it's icy.

But she replaces the ice with warmth,

and I didn't know how much I needed the warmth until I felt it,

it was like the missing piece in my heart was finally filled,

she makes me feel like I deserve her love.

I really hope I deserve her love.