The Little Things

Obviously, I fell for the big things you did,

like when you would look over at me and smile in a silent rehearsal,

or our first date when the conversation flowed so effortlessly,

but mostly it was the little things,

the little memories or subtle glances you probably don't even remember.

When we snuck out of rehearsal and stole sprite from the fridge,

I was falling for you.

When I would put my legs on your lap,

I was falling for you.

When I would make up excuses to call you,

that was me falling for you.

Those memories may seem insignificant to anyone but me,

but for me those were some of the best moments of my life.

The way you comforted me when my mom told me I was a disappointment,

the way you held me,

it felt like you were never going to let go,

and I felt safe,

I felt safe in your arms,

and trust me that isn't an easy thing to do.

The falling for you wasn't intended,

I didn't want to hurt anyone,

that's why I never looked for a relationship.

I hated who I was in relationships,

and what I did in relationships.

But meeting you made me realize that the reason I was horrible at relationships,

wasn't because I was an awful person,

it was because I was constantly settling.

Settling for the only other gay girl in the grade,

or settling for the closeted pastor's granddaughter.

It wasn't until I met you,

better yet, saw you,

that I knew I wanted you in my life.

I didn't even know your name,

but I knew you were the most beautiful person I had ever seen,

and that moment,

in between walking in the front door,

and grabbing my clipboard,

I fell for you.

I fell for all the little things you do.

I fell for you.

And now here I am,

9 pm on a Monday night,

writing about my undying love for you.